Voices from successful married couples: Part 2
QUESTION: How did you meet?
HUSBAND: Officially, l have been married for about 14 years. We were actually brought together through my friendship with her elder brother. Really it was not until l met her at a bar that l took interest in her. By that time she had grown and was studying in a university, while l was just starting to practice as a professional. I visited her several times in her campus, wooing her before she agreed to visit me. At that time, the whole thing was the survival of the fittest, as l had to put up efforts to ward off other competitors. That l ensured by my regular presence around her and by so doing, l scared other men away.
QUESTION: What really attracted her to you?
HUSBAND: She was such a very interesting person. Due to the matured way she carries and comports herself, you cannot fail to notice her in a crowd. I was really attracted by her intelligence. I am the kind of person who takes little or no account of girls who have no intelligence. I discovered that she is a fire brand, very intelligent and easy to discuss with. She can mingle easily and holds her own in any circumstances.
QUESTION: What are her likes?
HUSBAND: My wife is a stead fast person in matters of morals and upbringing of children. She is a product from a disciplined home. She does not brook nonsense with the children. She is passionate about the children’s education and well being and so conscious that they are raised in a good way. This aspect of her, l personally find exceedingly complimentary to what l already have.
QUESTION: What are the things you do not like in her?
HUSBAND: During our earlier days, she was very jealous and not too tolerant of other feminine persons around me. I am a jovial person. I mingle easily with people and try to keep a cheerful comportment where ever l am, and this appeals to people. So, being a young lady then, because l married her straight from the university, she wasn’t tolerant as l expected. But over the years, she has come to understand that l do not keep purposeless relationship.
QUESTION: Madam what attracted him to you?
WIFE: Initially, he was humble in his approach. A lot of others who had come were not really as humble as he was. Others felt maybe because we were in the same class and status, so what is the fuss? But when he came, l saw a difference in the sense that he was humbler even though he is a handsome man. I was not moved by his physical attributes at all and it was not love at first sight, as people would say. He was persistent and l think that made me give him a second thought.
QUESTION: What are his likes?
WIFE: This is a difficult one, well; he loves his children so much and adores them. He tries his best to provide for them and does not allow them to lack in any way. To this l give thanks to God for him always. My husband is jovial and warm, so with him around, you will never get bored.
QUESTION: What is it that you do not like in him?
WIFE: He reads always. And when he is interested in his books, he has no time for anybody including me. He just reads and reads and will have no time for communication or conversation. And this is one thing I do not like in him we need that communication to create more intimacy between us.
QUESTION: In those days did you find exchanging of love notes and letter difficult?
HUSBAND: Not really, but in our days, there were no internet or mobile phones through which love letters or notes were sent. The common medium was to send love letters through the post office. Again, during holidays people attended one social function or the other. I met my wife when she visited, during one of the holidays. She was still in college then, but it was when she finished that the issue of marriage came up.
QUESTION: Where you snubbed at your first approach?
HUSBAND: Expectedly, girls and boys do have several friends but she opted to be a friend and wife in spite of the fact that there were other boys studying higher courses which were described as noble courses.
WIFE: Initially it was his profession that l found interesting and later we became friends. As time went on l started developing interest in him. While he thought l could do better than other girls.
QUESTION: What was her parents’ reaction to your request?
HUSBAND: They did not turn down my request, but my wife demonstrated some resistance that one should expect from every young lady. But what was very much in my favor was that l had passed out as a graduate. The profession was not an issue.
WIFE: His mother confessed to me that she wanted him to study one of the popular courses. At the beginning, my father felt that his type of profession will make him a selfish person. He however added that if l thought l was okay with him, he had no objection. In fact, he did not see anything wrong in whichever way l felt.
QUESTION: What is the difference between your wife and other women?
HUSBAND: My wife is a partner in progress because she is passionately involved in what l do. In fact, she believes in what l am doing and encourages me too. For instance, when l spent some time away conducting workshop, she took charge of the home front. In fact she has been a pillar or back bone in all my endeavors.
WIFE: My husband is an open person and he likes people a lot. Most times he is either solving a problem or attending to a friend’s need. This takes much of his time and he does not mind. In fact, he does not spend much time for his nucleus family. If you measure it in percentage basis, he spends 60% for the people and 40% for the home. And l cannot do anything about that because that is his life.
QUESTION: Making a home demands more than putting bread on the table. As a busy person, how have you been handling this?
HUSBAND: As far as that was concerned, l employ the extended family system such that l do not restrict my attention to the needs of my immediate family alone. Again, the principle of givers never lack inspires me to reach out to my extended family members. I believe that some of the blessings l have so far come from looking beyond myself. This philosophy of the extended family system did not come to me by accident. I went through it as a growing child. Although my father paid my fees at the university, my uncle assisted a great deal especially at the later part of my programme. So with that kind of experience, you cannot but assist others who are in need. If my uncle did not assist me then, l probably would not have gone this far in life.
WIFE: It was tough at the beginning, because it really threatened the marriage, as l was young in the marriage. But with time l was able to overcome that threat through prayers.
HUSBAND: Sometimes societal connections suffer, thereby affecting the family. That on its own makes the family life a little difficult. But where you have a wife that is very understanding, then it will be easy to overcome all this. l have been able to resolve this in my home, because my wife is very understanding and each time, she represents me at a social function l could not attend.