Revealing the silent pains of a husband

At every point in time what is talked about is domestic abuse by men against women, but unfortunately no one spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse or some call it verbal torture men suffer in the hands of their wives.

It is even worse because men find it difficult to discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. For that reason, they suffer in silence.

Sadly, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It’s been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn’t go to church? What happens when the woman doesn’t believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husbands. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

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We’ve all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you’ll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long? 

Recently, a man revealed how he visited a senior friend, an important personality in the society and while they were downstairs discussing, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc.

This man being insulted by the wife is well respected everywhere. He is a father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he’d soon crash and she’ll be there to laugh at him.

In the present of his visitor friend, the man became uncomfortable. He was shrunken and deflated. He tried to gamefully continue the discussion, but it was not working. The woman’s vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. His friend simply excused himself and left his house.

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Very sad, but as a matter of fact, this is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shriveled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

This other heartbreaking story comes to mind. There was this Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. And these are grown up children.

A particular sentence by the first son saddened many people. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

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Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. At the moment, the family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

It is a well known thing that many drinking bars are filled with men who are afraid to go home to their wives for fear of what verbal torment they will go through. Men are finding every excuse to travel because they’ll rather be anywhere than in their own homes.

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As everybody seem to be focusing on men as culprits in domestic abuse. The question here is; Who is talking to the women?

Please share this to spread the message as every man or woman must be protected either from verbal or domestic abuse.

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