REVEALING THE SECRETS OF MARRIAGE SUCCESS: Part 3

Don’t be selfish

You must always feel for each other. In a marriage situation, you are no longer two but one. For this reason, whatever you are doing you must consider the other as part of you. If you are buying anything good for yourself, you can also consider buying for your partner. In his or her absence from the house, those things you used to do individually, you can be doing for both of you. Do not think you should be doing only yours until when he or she comes back to do the remaining ones. That is not a good attitude of someone who is truly in love. You must always show your love, whether your partner is present or absent.

Avoid things that the other does not like

Among the things couples learn during courtship, include knowing more about each other. It is very wrong for couples to wait until they are married before studying each other. It will be too late at that point in time to make any adjustment. During courtship you can be able to identify the things you can correct and the ones which you cannot, you learn to tolerate them. If you are not wise enough to discover these things before marriage, you might view it as betrayal on the side of your partner as trying to hide that aspect of his or her life. In this case you blame yourself and not your partner and there is nothing you can do when you are already married. Instead you start learning to tolerate whatever you observe.     

The main focus here is for you to respect the feeling of your partner. Anything you know that he or she does not like, avoid it or as a sign of your love, you can even stop it entirely.

Always forgive

You must develop the attitude of readiness and willingness to always forgive. Do not show hatred for any reason. Avoid retaliating when your partner offends you. Do not bear grudges of any kind against your partner. There are some people when their partners offend them; they resort to actions that are against the sustenance of marriage. Some even go to the extent of rejecting food offered them by their partner. In fact, some even decide not to be sleeping in their matrimonial homes; instead they prefer sleeping somewhere else, while some, especially the men, resort to going after other women. 

The marriage institution as recognized by the society is supposed to be for better and for worst. Therefore, whatever you notice that is going wrong, you have to correct it before it goes out of hand and not by acting in such a way as to make it worst.

Courage

In this case, you have to cultivate the ability to do the impossible, no matter what people will say. Courage plays a lot of part in marriage, for instance without courage a woman cannot be prepared to become pregnant and carry the baby for as long as nine months. It is even courage and determination that helps to keep your marriage at all times, especially when it is under pressure.

Honesty

Always be sincere for your partner. This is a very important area in marriage; you should at all times show the true impression of your actions. If for example you have done anything in the absence of your partner and he or she comes back to ask you about it, tell the truth as it is, do not bend the story in any way. When you always tell your partner the truth and he or she also finds out that you are always telling the truth, that confidence of trust will be built between the two of you. In this case it will be very difficult for an outsider to forge any story that will set your partner against you. There are some persons who do not mind their own business; instead they are always looking for where to cause trouble. Therefore if you are the type where strong trust exists between you and your spouse, nobody can disrupt your relationship by just telling you any story.

Be flexible

Do not be rigid in what you say. The fact that you have pronounced something does not necessary mean that it should be so. You have to seek the opinion of your partner. This will enable you to decide on the best way to go about anything. The emphasis here is that you do not just solely take a decision because you felt you have already said it and therefore should be like that. Some will claim that they took the decision and executed it because they are the head of the family. That is really missing the point, because in marriage you are not two different people and this has nothing to do with being the head of a family or not. Marriage should be able to give everyone involved in it the chance to express his or herself and to take decisions together.          

By taking decisions together, a lot of problems can be resolved and this will help to reduce friction as well as encourage unity among the couple.

AMBROSE NWAOPARA  the writer is an author and a renowned life coach

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